Dexter's Diner
by pyro18
Summary: This is actually for Lego Star Wars. About all the goings on in Dexter's Diner. Incredibly crazy. Palpatine and QuiGon are a couple. 'nuff said.
1. Idiots

This story is really random and crazy just so you know right off. Qui-Gon and Chancellor are a couple and who knew that C-3PO and R2-D2 had twins? Thanx to my sister forwriting this withme. Oh and Chris is the Obi-Wan Kenobi from EpisodeTwo andthe real Obi-Wan Kenobi is the one from Episode One.

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Dexter looked up from the spot on the counter he had been scrubbing furiously and sighed. It was almost unbearable having to deal with the number of idiots he did on a daily basis.

"Hey you, no weapons!" he yelled. "That Jengo Fett…" he thought to himself in disbelief.

"Sorry…" Jengo mumbled, returning his blasters to their holsters, and slinking out the front door of Dexter's Diner.

"Nexst time you won't be so luckey," Chris snapped at Jengo, deactivating his lightsaber. As Sally Ann rolled by Dexter, she dropped off some greasy olive and pimento stained dishes.

"Oh God, not more of that olive and pimento. We should stop selling that nasty/grody stuff." Sally Ann nodded in agreement. "Sigh…I wish Sally Ann was programmed for love." Dexter longingly gazed at the robotic waitress until he was interrupted by Chris who was drumming his freshly manicured fingers impatiently on the countertop.

"Hellooo, you have a needy customer over here!" Chris was talking in his usual diva tone, the one he used when he has to have his way.

"Oh, sorry," Dexter snapped out of his love stare and turned to the demanding jedi, who had his hands firmly placed on his hips. "What can I get you?"

"Umm…are you still having that half-off deal on applesauce?"

"That deal expired yesterday. But we are having a half-off deal on tater tots. How 'bout it?" Dexter told a slowly angering Chris.

"Did I ask for tater tots? This isn't brain surgery, is it?"

"Of course not. Ehh…the applesauce is still only two credits, and one credit really isn't that much of a difference." This was not what Chris wanted to hear.

"One _credit_?" he seethed through clenched teeth, "Do you know how much I have to scrimp just to get by?" Tears sprang to Chris' eyes, "Being a jedi doesn't exactly pay much you inconsiderate buffoon! It's so hard being a diva! Nobody understands! NOBODY!" With that Chris ran out of the diner with tears streaming down his face. Dexter breathed a sigh of relief, but his happy smile faded almost a second after it began. In walked Chancellor Palpatine and Qui-Gon Jinn. Their arms were linked and they were chuckling and speaking of the newest Britney Spears album.

"I know! I think Britney and Jewel should collaborate," Palpatine was saying.

"Yeah, but Jewel has a much more southerny feel."

"But her new CD, 0304, is just wonderful, because she shows her pop side. That Jewel is just brilliant!" Palpatine raved. Dexter shook his head.

"Can I get you two anything?"

"Oh, I don't know," Palpatine smoothed out a crease in his silver shimmer dress which was purchased at Saaks Fifth Avenue for approximately four hundred dollars.

"How about some drinks for two parched hotties?" Qui-Gon said, resting an elbow on the counter.

"Yes, but where are the hotties?" Dexter asked, receiving a glare from Qui-Gon.

"We'll take two Sam Adams. Oh, and make one light, I'm just trying to, you know, watch my weight." Palpatine said. Dexter gave them a deeply disturbed look, but poured the drinks anyway. After they paid Qui-Gon motioned to one of the booths, and Palpatine followed.

"Come on, let's sit somewhere we can talk privately."

"Yes let's." They sat over in the booth farthest from Dexter. Dexter clenched his teeth, leaving to go into the kitchen to clean off some olive and pimento dishes. "So, Qui, did you ever realize how much of a jerk Dexter is?" Palpatine asked.

"Well, yeah, maybe he is a hobo…err I mean maybe he doesn't like homos," Qui-Gon replied.

"I think it's rather obvious that he's homophobic. I mean Padme and Anakin are always in here making out, and Dexter doesn't even bat an eyelash. That Anakin…oooh speak of the devils." The door of the diner slid open and in walked Anakin and Padme.

"Well, here we are," Anakin said holding open the door for Padme.

"Thanks Anakin."

"Ewww…look at Palpatine and Qui-Gon. Something seems weird about them," Anakin whispered.

"Shhh…" Padme whispered back, smiling and ushering Anakin to a booth next to theirs.

"Uggh, look at Padme's shirt, that was soo last year," Qui-Gon said, just loud enough for her to hear.

"Excuse me?" Padme asked, facing Qui-Gon.

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I say that out loud? Silly me. It's just that shirt is too tacky for words," Qui-Gon answered, snobbily.

"This shirt is brand new, and I don't care what you think because everyone knows that your style is crappier than a Gungan from Naboo's. Just look at you, what kind of wardrobe is that? As a matter of fact, I think my great grandma was buried in a robe just like that," Padme snapped.

"Tchh, this robe is suede you blind bitch!" Qui-Gon snapped back. Padme pulled back her fist to punch Qui-Gon in the face when Anakin jumped in and held her back.

"Come on, he isn't worth it!" Qui-Gon sneered snootily at them, before whispering something to Palpatine. They both got up to leave and Padme glared at them until they were out the front door.

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	2. Catching Up

I decided to put the second chapter, so, yeah. Review please!

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"Gosh, now that's over, let's order," Anakin said, picking up a menu.

"Excuse me Sally Ann, we're ready to order," Padme said. Sally Ann rolled over to them.

"What'll it be?" she asked.

"I'll have the…"

"Hi Padme!" Padme was interrupted by her jedi friend Shaak Ti who strolled up to them with fellow jedi Luminara at her side.

"Oh hi…" Padme answered, weakly smiling.

'Another interruption!' Anakin thought to himself.

"Funny seeing you here, huh?" Shaak Ti said, "How are you two? How's the new place?"

"It's great, but you know it's really rude to…" Anakin was interrupted by Padme.

"That you, umm…" she stumbled, "Uhh, anyway, how are you two?" Anakin glared at Padme who glared right back at him while Shaak Ti answered.

"We're fine, nothing interesting has happened lately, right Luminara?"

"Oh God," Luminara mumbled nervously shifting her weight from one foot to the other, and glancing at the hooded figure who had just walked into the diner.

"Luminara, what...oh," Shaak Ti noticed who Luminara was looking at. Darth Maul had just sat down at the bar and ordered himself a drink.

"I hear he's a jerk," Shaak Ti whispered to Luminara.

"Uh, what?" Luminara broke out of her stare and looked at Shaak Ti.

"Oh, it's so obvious…" Shaak Ti took Luminara by the arm and led her away from the booth.

Then the diner opened once again, and whoever it was seemed distressed.

"Aw, fuck, fuck, shit, damn, bitch. Those bastards! I fucking hate my shitty-ass life!" It was C-3PO's twin A-4OP. His limbs were all missing, except for one leg he hopped on slowly. He was generally a kind-hearted, good-spirited robot. Something was getting him down. R2-D2's twin B6-A4 swerved in after him.

"Beep boop bowp beep."

"I guess you're right, I can always get new limbs B6," A-4OP leaned against the closest booth for support.

B6-A4 continued, "Bwoop bee bay boop."

"You know what? No, okay? It's not okay! I'm sick and tired of having shit like this happen to me, dammit! And I sick of putting up with your crap!"

"Fuck ybepu!" B6-A4 left the diner.

"Yes you asswipe! And don't come back! God give me a fuck damn break!" A-4OP's eyes were red with stress. He sat at the bar and stared at Dexter, expressionless. Dexter stared back.

"You're dirtying up my diner with your bad language," Dexter said, breaking the silence.

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It's kind of cut off at a weird spot, but more will come if i get some reviews. 


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